God Wants You!

In today’s Gospel reading of Mass we hear of the call of St. Matthew. This weekend also marks the end of “Vocations Awareness Week.” So, I thought I would write a little bit about vocation and God’s call. When I was in Rome last year I got to see the famous painting you see above. This work is “The Call of St. Matthew” by Caravaggio. My pastor gave me a framed print of this painting after he returned from Rome and I have it hanging in my room here at seminary.

This painting represents one of the great moments in life. Matthew has just received his vocation, his “calling.” In today’s society, we value personal freedom very much. However, we tend to take this good principle and then think that freedom means keeping all our options open. Committing to something seems to restrict our freedom. However I say that this painting represents one of the great moments in life because, in practice, keeping all your options open doesn’t really give the full experience of freedom. It is when we receive our vocation from God and respond that we truly become free.

Before I came to seminary and was actively searching for the woman God would send to be my wife I remember that it was very hard to find peace. When you throw in the question of discerning priesthood, the uncertainly and lack of peace continues to grow. At the moment in this painting St. Matthew looks confused, probably scared, but one thing is certain…he knows what he is supposed to do. That is a truly great feeling. There is no doubt that Jesus has called him. He may not understand, but he knows he is meant to follow.

The years we spend growing up and discerning our vocation can be very trying because we all have this great desire to give ourselves in love but can’t make a complete gift of ourselves to anyone yet having not yet found a spouse. When we finally commit ourselves in marriage or a religious vocation it is true that some options are now closed, but finally a whole new freedom opens up…the freedom to make a permanent and total self gift. John Paul the Great has rightfully taught this as “the law of the gift,” the idea that we only find our true fulfillment to the extent that we make ourselves a total gift to others. Regardless of your specific vocation, everyone is called to this vocation of gift.

As I continue to pray over this painting, I see the wonderful use of light that is so characteristic of Caravaggio’s paintings. See how the light represents God shining on Matthew? God helps to show us our vocation by shining on the path. But more than just an abstract light, God sends his incarnate son in person to call us. If you look at who is doing the calling, you can also see a good tip for discerning your vocation. Jesus is accompanied by St. Peter, representing the Church. You’re not on your own to discern your vocation in a vacuum. I remember hating it when people would keep asking me “have you every thought about being a priest?” “Yes! I HAVE! and I’m not called so leave me alone” Of course I never said that out loud, but I thought it. Still, God kept sending people my way that kept asking. Jesus calls us to our vocation, but he calls through the Church.

Many people who feel called to the priesthood have a common reaction of feeling unworthy. Notice that St. Matthew responds to his call by pointing to himself as if to say “who, me?” Yes, God wants you. I think it’s funny to look at St. Peter though. His back is turned to talk to Jesus and he’s also pointing. But it seems to me that he’s saying to Jesus “who, him? you’ve got to be kidding” There can definitely be obstacles to any vocation, but when you know that Jesus has called you, that is when you really find freedom.

At the end of this Vocations Awareness Week I pray for all of you who are still discerning your vocation that you will clearly hear the call of Jesus. Maybe he’s calling you to “come and follow me” to priesthood like he did with the apostles, maybe he’s calling you to follow him through the sacrament of marriage. For those of you in your vocation, thank you for answering the call. Pray for those of us still working out our call. Regardless of how we are called, we know who does the calling. God wants you.

Peace and all good,

Shawn