There is a strange mix of emotions on Holy Thursday. On the one hand, we reflect on the institution of the Eucharist and the love of Jesus. Yet, we can’t help but realize the context of this gift; Jesus is about to suffer and die. The Passion really begins in the upper room, “the day before he was to suffer” as the liturgy reminds us. Tonight’s liturgy is filled with references to Jesus’ betrayal, suffering, and impending death. It’s a beautiful night, but there is a heaviness.
What would it have been like for Jesus and the apostles to celebrate this meal knowing that it was to be the “last” supper? St. John tells us that Jesus loved his own “to the end.” Rather than a cause for fear, sometimes being faced with “the end” can actually help clarify what is important. At the end of his life, Jesus wanted to make sure we knew that he loved us. Most importantly, he gave us himself in the Eucharist to be with us always.
Just as this night is a mix of intimacy, suffering, closeness, and death, so too our lives are a mix. We don’t like suffering. In a way, all suffering is a reminder that death is constantly stalking us. If you knew today was your last day, what would be most important? For Jesus, it was making sure that we knew he loved us. Jesus loved “to the end.” If we have love, we need not fear the death. As was true for Jesus, so it will be for us. The end is really just the beginning.